Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Great Wall's Rise and Fall

It was almost eleven in the evening here when my sister and I finished our Skype conversation... it was fun talking to her and hearing her speak German.


The Weeping WALL

Three of my intimate friends knew how distracted I was this week. I haven't slept much... I have been practicing the 'receiving' game after the LoA post and I've cried two times to my brother for the 'test' he's giving me... 

The invitation to Tokyo was primarily for the medical editors and he, out of benevolence, included me in the list of attendees. 

David Bronson's tweet

*The Great WALL: The Culture of 'Hiya' (Shame) vs, 'Kababaang Loob' (Humility)

I immediately declined it... come to think of it, I never had second thoughts to any invitations... I was always quick to say 'no.'

"Oh you shouldn't... you musn't... you're not obliged...please,'re too kind... I don't need it... NO, thanks..." were common replies I dish out to family, colleagues and friends that I've earned the 'Patay Ligaya' (Kill Joy) award in our office.

Maybe, I have even showed it too often that, at one point, some people have given up asking or communicating...oh! but not my *brother. I just talked to him this morning and he told me the same thing, "Trust me."

*Ethan, my musician friend gave me company for two nights with another soul sister, last night and my Muslim friend this morning...

They came sans asking...They crushed the 'wall' and built a 'bridge.'

 They invited me out of this self-enclosed shell...
to reach out instead of 'hide'...
to embrace people than 'cross' my arms in neglect...
to stay than 'ran' away...
to face life and its challenges than to 'cover' it...
to sleep and trust the flow than continuously 'fight' the current...

The culture of 'hiya' has to step down. God made me realize that it was 'false humility' to deny any goodness, to cover up talents and to be untrue to oneself...

Bury this shame or throw it away and instead plant the seed of humility... Today, I learned that openness consists not in receiving what I desire... but receiving what is meant for me.

"Few souls understand what God would accomplish in them if they were to abandon themselves unreservedly to Him and if they were to allow His grace to mold them accordingly." ~ St. Ignatius of Loyola (EWTN)


With my Satur-dates:

My sister Michelle suggested that I put up a FB page for the kids (Saturdays with Jesus) and they seem to enjoy it. 
*Reminder to parents: Always view/browse the internet with your children.

They also like music so we inserted liturgical songs in between the sessions. 
 Today we had, 'I Love the Lord.'

I Love the Lord 
sung by Sr. Bubbles Bandojo, rc:
composed by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ

 We took our lessons from the Bible
Tools: Bible in Filipino
Downloadble Powerpoint Presentations via Free Bible Images

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Noli Foras Ire: Journey Inwards

...I opened up a box I have kept hidden for years…

"You were within me, but I was outside..."
Late Have I loved You (St. Augustine's prayer)~ 


While this is an anticipation to the next chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, it is also a response to Rick Warren's 20th Chapter on Restoring Broken Relationships.

"Who do the crowds say that I am?" ~ Lk. 9,18 NIV

I took in a few days away from the net ~ Rick Warren, my prayer partner, intimate friends, work, one-week laundry (?)... I packed up my things Friday afternoon and spent time with a young sage.

A few days before I left, I felt a light bulb switched everywhere inside of me (mirroring; enlightenment) , and I began to see the dark creatures that crawled in my being (sins), snatching me away from my focus. My intimate friend redirected  me to the road of gratitude but I felt  wounds opening up and I just couldn't face them at that moment.

I shared that I felt 'unworthy' of many things... and I was starting to hate myself for my weaknesses. For the most part, there was a need to reconcile with 'me'...

 I needed a quiet time...

The sage, in fact, spoke no words. 

I just anticipated her needs... 

        slowly taking my focus away from myself...

       away from the crowd...

and I saw the truth in her eyes...

"God created my inmost being;
    God knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." ~ Ps. 139, 13-14

The crowd knows me from what they see... but God knows who I really am...inside out...

Who people say that I am became less important... 

I've always left hints of my past life in my blog but never spoke of them as 'plainly'  as I did now.

Nobody probed just as much as my intimate friend did... I resisted then I yielded...

I yielded as God made me see everything in faith...

"Let light shine out of darkness."

"...we're tethered to a story we must tell..." 
~ Ryan O' Neal (Sleeping at Last)~

I rose from the ashes of molestation 
 and  depression 

I was a missionary...
and I left and began a new life...

"...but what about you, who do You say that I am?" ~ Luke 9, 20 NIV

Related reflections/ supplement readings:

Gospel today, 12th Sun of OT, Lk. 9, 18-24
Catholic Online: Holding the Treasure in Earthen Vessels by Deacon Keith Fournier
Holly Gerth's Yes, Your Life Matters

Sunday, June 16, 2013

A.S.K. and the Law of Attraction: Deepening Vocation 2nd part

"You can't be ambiguous. You will confuse the universe...," a dear friend laughingly told me three days ago.

I have shared with my him my 'call' and he asked me what have I been doing to achieve it...

Illusions, Law of Attraction and the Blue Feather

I have heard of the Law of Attraction from friends. They started talking about creating a positive mental attitude and manifesting it to the world. In fact, the very first book my sister gave me to read after I came back home was on this.

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." ~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

So this law defies 'magnetic interactions...?' 

"Like attracts like Melissa. Believe and receive," my friend added, 
"holding what you have in mind in your hands already.

Would you believe how convincing this was to me? It reminded me of Richard Bach's  Blue Feather ...

Yes,  I hear THE voice within. 
It has always been here!

Now, all I have to do now is align my thoughts with my heart's desires...

 "What signals are you diffusing into the world?"

"Ask and it will be given to you
seek and you will find
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; 
the one who seeks finds;
and to the one who knocks,
the door will be opened."
~Mt. 7, 7-8 NIV

Father's Day Celebration with my Satur-dates

Yesterday, my Satur-dates prepared love letters for their fathers using HelloKids' pattern:

I'm sharing my designs via

Download as pdf file (stationery):

Download as jpeg file:

Monday, June 10, 2013

Vocation: First part

I felt alive with the gush of spring that continuously flows within me! 

One of my inspirations wrote something on my timeline ... and I left it suspended the entire week. The truth is, she has been asking me this for a few months already since I started writing about the Hidden Life,

"Do you know your vocation?" 

I. Period of Purification

"If you meet the Buddha, kill him."
-Linji Yixuan, Killing the Buddha

It is a perfectly strong statement that continues to inspire me to get to know God more.

For several years, I have thought of vocation as a 'higher calling,' an invitation from the Divine to enter into fellowship with Him through a religious community. At a young age, joining the missionaries was the closest thing I could ever think of.

I felt 'called' to live out a certain lifestyle that puzzled people ... even myself.

"If you are looking for peace, stability, comfort and couldn't be found here (in the mission area). You will be tested in fire." ~ conversations with my SD

I was very certain that it was what I was called for but at one point, I was not so sure anymore. 

My SD, in the collections of his homily, said: "Quando tutto appare chiaro, e' molto pericoloso"(When everything seems clear, it is very dangerous). 

I was encouraged to take a new journey and begin again.

II. Get Married!

If you think eating words and homilies for breakfast is healthy, think again.

If we were referring to God's Words and homilies of my spiritual fathers, I'd say definitely, yes! Eat the Words, taste them, devour them, until the Words are incarnated.

When I came back home, I had my dad. I respect him for his wisdom but I really have to admit that I doubt most of his counsels.

I've been staying in our house for four and a half years now. And his perpetual homily consisted of 'getting married.'

"Okay, I'll go look for one in the department store."

It has become a constant ridicule in the household and seconded by my ARTner, Fher and some intimate friends since Sam left. Believe me, we tried (Wanted Perfect Husband). My Vision Board with Linda Lee was more promising. I began to shift my gears towards that direction...

Through the months I nurtured the desire to marry. Then, I began to discover that vocation goes beyond my relationship status. Instead, it is that call that will bring me closer to God, where my heart could breathe and dilate more in relationship to other people.

If some find it in religious life, then their pursuit of holiness could be found within the context of community relationships. If most people find it in marriage, then holiness could be achieved through having a husband/wife and a family. 

III. Discovery in Depth

I found mine in being a single celibate at this moment. My parents and some people started noticing a change in me these past couple of weeks. And that included the ring I'm wearing. I am committed to bring children closer to God. I enjoy my moments with Jesus and the people He gives me everyday to journey with.

They respected the 'retreat' I had the last couple of months and now they see that I'm interacting again ~more active and alive after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation... gentler, calmer... with a purpose...

I give myself and what I have because I have received infinite graces from the Lord. .. His love, compassion, mercy and kindness moves me...

"Vocation, vocatio, is about being raised from the dead, made alive to the reality that we do not merely exist, but we are "called forth" to a divine purpose."
-A.J. Conyers, The Meaning of Vocation

Do you know your vocation?

Friday, June 7, 2013

Behold Jesus' and Mary's Heart!: Free Printable Design of the Most Sacred Heart

For the Feast of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I share my designs in jpeg format (with high resolution). I'll be using them for my Satur-dates. Kindly link them back to my blog.

*Note: Strictly not for commercial purposes.

Download as jpeg via
Download as jpeg via
*Supplement readings on the Feasts:

* The Seven Joys and Sorrows of Our Blessed Mother (Praying the Franciscan Crown)


Monday, June 3, 2013

Love Beckons

Of three things I'm very certain: First, I love God; second, I love people especially the children; third, I complain.  complain, but I also listen.

I was absolutely  positive I will be getting my much needed rest last Saturday. My brother and I were together late nights to work on the fifth issue of our journal and we finally had it released last 31st of May. I was preparing my lessons for my Satur-dates when my mom called me. She asked me if I could help someone out. I wasn't ready to say yes, my temper was quite short with lack of sleep, but I loved her dearly so I asked how.

Someone close had a surgery and they needed cash. I said okay. AND, she added, they need someone to take care of their little child. I was THE nurse, after all. I was quiet for a while... That meant displacing myself on a weekend and taking turns with another caregiver at midnight to attend to the baby's needs. I began reciting my litany ~ litany of jeremiads, that is.

Downheartedly, I went upstairs to pack my things. I'll miss my Satur-dates. The car came earlier than I expected and we went off.

We reached the house and the caregiver gave me the baby while she did her other chores. I recalled all I knew from Maternal and Child Health Care and was careful of the baby's fragile state.

We were about five in the house, I fixed their hours, allowing space for eating, sleeping and recreation together... I woke up at two to take my turn. The baby was awake. The caregiver said, perhaps, she misses her mother. I touched the baby's tummy. It was hard, she needed to pass gas. She slept for a while but again woke up. It was such a funny scene. All five of us were awake as if we read each other's minds. The only guy in the house wore the clothes of the baby's mother and lullabyed her... Finally, after three hours or so, she slept. She could've just wanted to be awake since she was sleeping daytime.

I rose up ahead of them. I was the eldest, and I felt it was not only the baby I was taking care of, but all of them. 

While praying, I knew Jesus was laughing at telling me, "I knew it, you couldn't resist..."

"When Love beckons to you,
follow Him..."

-on Love, Kahlil Gibran

"Though His ways are hard and steep..."

I relaxed after praying. The housekeeper called me and said, the baby's awake. I took her and told her caregiver to continue sleeping. 

I began to enjoy those little hours left with her. 

Oh, how much trust she gives me...
Her life depended on us who were taking care of her...

Could I ever hold my hands up like that in total surrender
and sleep just as peacefully as she did?

How could I ever resist? 
This is You!

With my Satur-dates

I share this for Corpus Christi (Lesson with my Satur-dates). It was quite late for me since I had little time to prepare yesterday but I'll keep this here for those who wish to use it. 

*Strictly not for commercial purposes:

Dowload via Open Drive