Thursday, July 2, 2015

Love Memories

I had a very lively discussion with my mom early this morning. We ate "current issues" for breakfast ~ same sex marriages, relationships, single parenthood, life back then and now. I asked how she and dad reached forty-one years together ~ it wasn't an easy life. She said the younger generation either fears or eschews "sacrifice" and 'self-denial' ~ those are important ingredients to family life ~ sacrifice is the language of love [cf Bishop James Conley].

Sacrifice took a new meaning in my life when I discerned to become a single celibate ~ gone was a life of security, of forming a family, of having children... the Lord gave me "other" families and children.

"Real love is being open to the love that comes to you. 
The LOVE that surprises us." 

Love presented itself as a "twin heart" ~ one who loves Jesus dearly. For a while, I thought it would end up to something else but God had different plans. He continued my life inside the walls. He told me not to "look back" at my past like Lot's wife who became a pillar of salt [Gen.19,26]. A memory should never "paralyze" us nor keep us from moving forward. The Lord always intends that we live full lives.

 "Give us this day our daily love." 
~ Pope Francis, Do Not Fear Forever ~

We celebrated feast and prayer days together. We "healed" memories by transforming them into occasions we could celebrate.

While some friends kept dry petals in jars to reminisce monthsaries of flower giving, I have read that a "love drawer" is a special place where we could put all our treasures together. 

My love drawer took different forms as I grew up. I still keep an altar in my room with the Bible and the LOH. My diaries contained stories of my adventures with Him and now I have 'our' blog, music and videos.

I shall draw strength from the love we share in Jesus...

I shall come back everyday...

and I'll remember everything... 
       I'll remember you and me...

   with a grateful heart+
Secret Life by The Strange Familiar

Related posts:

Friday, June 12, 2015

Re-building bridges...breaking down walls

"If we want to live a life of love of God, 
we must not fail in our love towards our neighbor." 

~St. Therese of Lisieux~  

For quite sometime, I've grown comfortable leaving a few notes to friends and "disappearing" for a long time without a trace... I was 'busy,' or at least I tried myself to be. I thought I was 'forgetting myself' by doing so. 

I was not bothered until I felt restlessness and ennui within. I felt that the period of 'desolation,' that affected my relationship with others, was the door that the Lord used to 'break through' my heart. I realized that, in place of the 'precious' moments with friends, was a thick wall that prevented me from relating deeply with them. 

I stopped sharing...I was no longer re-inventing myself.

While confiding this to the Lord in prayer, He led me to 'three' courageous people facing different odds in life: A woman whose husband's sickness left her financially drained [he eventually died]; a tormented wife whose unfaithful husband physically and emotionally abused her [after several loving years of marriage]; and a young lady stricken by lung cancer stage four [a beautiful model struggling over the effects of chemotherapy]. 

Many times I am quick to say I am suffering but the Lord always takes me to other people's world ~ taking my eyes away from myself.

"What can I offer them?" I asked. 
"Give your 'little coins' daily," He said [cf: Mk.12:41-44].

The priest in Saturday's homily stressed that, at offertory, it is the very act of giving daily ~ faithfully ~ that is practiced so that we will learn to open not only our hands but also our hearts to other people.

Later at night, I was 'admonished' by my twin heart:

"The more you are tempted to stay in the dark, fight back and go out into the light.

At first it will be a struggle just like any learning curve. But you'll get there...
God sees what we would become if we allow Him to work in us...
But the key is in OUR hands... Not in His hand..

Occupy your mind to be the best that God wants you to be...
with the gifts He empowered you... 
You will be giving so much joy and laughter out there to many

your music... your drawing ...your love for kids...


With that the Lord opened my eyes...

His last words were the 'little coins' that the Lord were referring to. The things that the Lord has gifted me with. The difference is the 'attitude towards giving' ~ it should be enlivened with love and enthusiasm not an alm that I am obliged to give.

I saw the light through the broken wall....

and then I saw my brothers and sisters...

Saturday, April 25, 2015

U-turns and Crossroads part 2: Dreams

Ninety days was gradually reduced to seventy-five ... to sixty ... thirty and now I have less than a few hours to face my fears...
"Bless the Lord, O my soul!" 
May my life be a song of praise...
~ Psalm 103 ~

Three months seemed like a long time... and the agony of waiting will be over soon. My anxieties found their escape in dreams.

I asked a friend to interpret several dreams that I had after I had my check up in January. As the days flew by, the dreams began to unfold one by one... 

The test

I found myself at the second crossroad. I was challenged to re-think my decision of being single because of my condition. These three full months [January to March] I saw how the Lord has opened all the doors for me ~ He IS a very generous God. And He gives us freedom to choose where we would like to go.

The dinosaur was the cyst I allowed to grow within me. The anger that blocked me from seeing my future in a different way ~ it symbolized the people and the different voices that tell me "I could have..." ~ the blames, the hurts, the pains. 

The dwarf is my creative potentials. 

The white tiger presented itself in many ways. In my dream, I was with children playing jumping with them. I never felt such freedom and joy! The tiger came along and even if it were not chasing me, I was afraid. The white tiger was my friend who came to visit me in January, it was the doctor and my colleagues who felt I needed to do something to "prevent" my cysts from growing. 

I have ran away for a long time and I am facing my fears. I am no longer inside the thick walls [literally and metaphorically speaking]. 

As if not to direct my thoughts on myself, The Lord sent me a twin heart to journey with me through this. 

Quote source: Why We Really Must Keep Falling In Love by Ann Voskamp

He held my hand and reminded me to keep putting love out there. The Lord has made me fecund in surprisingly creative ways...

They did not come from my womb but they are the children God gave to me to share my life with.

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman
"For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find..."

Saturday, February 21, 2015

U-turn and Crossroads part 1

I was brought to the crossroads of my life at the beginning of the year and along with them were dreams, visits and challenges...

"When the heart is able to ask itself and weep, then we can understand something." 
~Pope Francis' message, Youth Encounter in UST~

The Year of Conversion

Spring came to my life in 2013 ~ my U-turn to the Lord. 

It was symbolized by the birth of the little sage...

who is now two.

The Year of Love
Out of all the people in the world, he chose me. 
He has a heart like my own. 
Centered in the Lord, two-gether 
apart we promised to live our forever now 
2014 onwards ~ 
by loving and serving the Lord right where we are now.

The Year of Faith
Two breaking news left me at the crossroads this year 2015. 

While friends wrote their lists of resolutions ~ I found myself fully surrendering to the Lord's plans this time. His faithfulness is truly remarkable.

15th of January 2015 ~ our Editorial Board Meeting & Papal Visit 
I always knew that, at one point, we have to turn over the journal where I work. The years flew by quickly and I have to face it now~the end of our five-years commitment. 

While I am very grateful to the people who cradled me after I left the walls, thoughts of uncertainty of the future filled my mind. 

The Pope's visit was a big source of hope and encouragement. All his homilies were striking but it was the Mass in Tacloban and the Youth Encounter in UST that touched my heart deeply.

Love's will was measured when my colleagues and I decided to attend the Pope's last homily in Luneta...

Mom said I was crazy... that was the same thing she said when I left for the convent. It felt like that. As early as 3am, I, together with different groups, braved the road towards Luneta. A large crowd already filled the streets of España. Love does not mind the inconveniences. I thought, I just had to be there with the Pope...and we made it!
Pope Francis in the Philippines 15-19 January 2015: Full texts and videos
Encounter with the Youth: 
Testimony of Jun Chara and Glyzelle Palomar
Testimony of Leandro Santos II
Testimony of Rikki Macalor
Papal Visit -Philippines 2015 FB

January 22-February 10, 2015 Visit from friends

"Five years from now... where do you see yourself?"asked a deacon friend 
in his last visit...

A vision discerned in the light of the Holy Spirit's inspiration is "well-grounded" because it is the Lord Who provides...

I repeated that ... the Lord will provide...

Supplement Readings:
 Every Dry Land by Shannan Martin
Abandonment vs. Hypocrisy by Fr. Jacques Philippe [sent to me by my twin heart~ merci beaucoup+]